If someone mentions "School Choice" again...

I will either cry or slap that person! IS THAT CLEAR?!

Now that we have gone past the conversations about breast or bottle, sitting unaided, saying “mama”, walking, POTTY TRAINING, we are on the subject of “Alphabet learning” and SCHOOLS!

Wherever I go I hear: “Have you chosen the school you would like him to go to?” “Have you put his name down?” “What are you going to do if you don’t get your first choice and get sent to the worst school of the area?!” Blah, blah, blaaaahhhh!

Here is the situation: Where we live the best school, the one everyone wants is Catholic. I am Catholic, so that works well. We would quite like him to go there then. Except that it doesn’t work like that. We need to attend Church regularly and that’s fine.

At first I have to confess that I was a bit put off by the whole process.

Anyway I am French and in France any religious school is private. It is a laic country and no public organisation is allowed to show any sign of religion at all. At best it is tolerated. So you don’t have to prove yourself and your faith by going to Church every Sunday and attend every Church events.

As long as they have space and you are Catholic, you are in. 

So anyway we are doing as we were told and we go to mass on Sunday as often as we can and we MAKE SURE we sign the register.

Here’s the dilemma: the more we go, the more I am having doubts about the place and about my own feelings regarding this school. Don’t ask me to tell you what it is, because I am unable to put my finger on it. I think it is a combination of the distance, having to drive most of the time, wasting time trying to park along with all the other parents at the SAME time, and in the same breath pollute the world a bit more. Or maybe it is because every time I go I am being told off by someone for chatting. Or maybe I don’t really want my son to come home and tell me that if something goes wrong “it is God’s will”…

I am all for having a spiritual side (after all I do) if it helps you through challenges and makes you do good things for others. However I want to teach my children that they are in charge of their life. If they don’t like something then THEY change it, God will help them I am sure, but at the end of the day only they can make the decision.

I would rather not get into this in depth right here because we will be here for a while. And we are talking about school not religion.

So now the rest of the dilemma…

We live in the catchment area of the school with THE BAD report!

The overall grade is 2, ie Good, with one grade 3 in the foundation because children are not left to spend enough time finding stuff by themselves. Now I don’t know you but there are worse things really. I mean, sure it is good to develop their independent side and I hope that they are making efforts to improve this, but it not like bringing guns at school or something similar. 

Anyway I visited the school and I liked it. Actually Elliott will be at their nursery next year for 5 half days a week and it is five minute walk from home. WALK, did you hear that? Heaven!

But that still wouldn’t be my first choice. If I listen to what my gut feeling is saying I would like the other school at the back of my house which is also 5 min in the other direction. That one is lodged into a park and is brand new purpose build. It is lovely. I can already picture myself walking to the school with Nala so she can also have a nice walk in the park after drop off…

I know it sounds like my decision is made. But NO it isn’t! I feel selfish for not wanting to make more of an effort to obtain a space at the much desired school. What if they don’t get a space because I make the wrong decision? What if they can’t get a good secondary school because of that and end up mixing with the wrong crowd. What if I RUIN their life for not making the RIGHT DECISION??!!

I feel so torn. Deep down I know that we can provide a good support to them and educate them culturally and challenge them to get them to think bigger and higher.

How much of an influence is the school if it isn’t for the people they are mixing with? Is it because an OFSTED report is just “good” compared to an “outstanding” that I shouldn’t consider putting that school as my first choice? Am I a selfish mother for wanting to cut the distance to the school?!

ARRRGGHHHH!!!! This is what I think!

Help me please… have you had to make a similar choice?

Comments

[Becky]

You can't go just by results and Ofsted you have to see how you feel when you visit a school. I worked in several local schools so I had an inside view on what they were like and not just when spruced for inspection - and believe me they do put in extra effort when Ofsted are on their way..

I decided on a small village school that wasn't local to our home but on several days was on the way to work. At the time the school only had a grade 3 Ofsted but has since gone up to 2.

We are hoping to move soon and I will have to find another school for my daughter. This time I'm going to make the walking to school one of the priorities as the school run has become stressful. I will check out the results & reports and get a feel for a school but I will start by checking out the nearest one and will only reject if it just feels wrong for my child.

[TheMadHouse]

One of the big reasons we relocated back to the NE was schooling. In the area we lived in berkshire, there was bad schools and there was fee paying or religious.

So here there is only really one school for the primary as we live in the sticks and it is great.

Religious Primary not for us. MadDad is a lapsed catholic with religious issues and I am spiritual, but a kind of reluctant worshiper.

The only other school would have been a drive away, I didnt want to HAVE to drive, plus when I visited it felt too small. It is sublime to rediculous.

I am glas we made the choice we did, Maxi's teacher is fantastic, but that is possibly down to her and not the school. Follow your instint, you can always change your mind, it is not set in stone

[Sarah in Italy]

I'd say go with your gut. Good is relative. What might be a perfect fit for one child might be very much trying to ram a square peg in a round hole for another.

Don't underestimate to what extent your discomfort will colour your child's vision of his school, we may not mean to communicate discontent, but even if we make sure all discussions take place where tiny ears can't hear them, body language and tone of voice will give the game away.

Worst case scenario if your choice disappoints and you need to wait for a new space elsewhere, you can home educate for a bit if that is within your comfort zone.

I think there are some really excellent French correspondence courses for little ones, possibly because a good number of French kids live in deep countryside and can't regularly get to the nearest school which is miles away ? Or you can just carry on with the British NC.

It's not the easiest choice (see my new grey hairs for evidence) , but at least you know you have an immediate out if things don't turn out as you hope and you need some time to sort out an alternative.

Hopefully that will help making the decision a little less loaded with "it's now or never".

Sarah, British mum to a mini Italian nationalist in deepest, darkest Lomellina.

[Béa]

Je sais, tu vas te dire mais pourquoi elle fait un commentaire sur ce sujet alors qu'ils ne sont pas concernés en France ! Hé bien, je le fais quand même (et j'espère avoir bien compris ton post) car je suis outrée d'apprendre que d'aller à l'église et d'ouvrir son chéquier vous donne accès aux bonnes écoles. J'ai été chez les "bonnes soeurs" de l'age de 2ans et demi à 11 ans et jamais nous avons été harcelés comme tu l'expliques. Si c'est ça une école catholique et bien c'est triste. Ce n'est pas en payant qu'on acquière une religion mais par choix et convictions.
Quant à l'école publique si elle est proche de chez toi et que tu peux y aller à pieds où est le problème ?!?! Franchement tu vas passer de jolis moments avec tes petits au lieu d'etre stressée.
Franchement tu te prends la tête pour rien (et c'est moi qui dis ça ;) ) le choix d'une école n'est pas irrévocable. Ton fils ne va pas t'en vouloir parce qu'il n'aura pas eu le BEST en matière d'arts plastics ! Les génies ne sortent pas forcément des écoles haut de gamme !
Vous êtes bizarres vous les anglais :)))) Et Elliott qu'elle est son école préférée ??

Bon voilà, c'est tout ce que j'avais à dire ;) ... aujourd'hui on a inscrit Robin en maternelle et là je commence ma dépression de "maman poule" :)))

Bises et bon courage dans vos choix !

[Tasha (Coding Mamma)]

Peggy, go for the one you liked that's in walking distance! If you're having doubts about the Catholic school now, just think what it will be like once Elliot's ensconced. Ofsted is most certainly not the be-all and end-all when it comes to school choice. And I really think gut-feeling is important. And, my friend, who has three children in school already and another one starting in a couple of years, told me that your feelings about the other parents are important too. If you are not comfortable, your children will be less comfortable. If you have/make friends with other parents, it will be much easier if you have any issues later.

Going somewhere in walking distance gives you more time to spend with the boys, as Béa said. It will also mean they'll have friends in the local area, which will be easier for playdates. You won't have to fight with traffic and parking and so on.

But... how many spaces are there? Will he easily get in the one/s round the corner?

We're currently in waiting for where Rosemary will be going. Find out on 29 March. The school round the corner (where she goes to playgroup 3 mornings a week) is small and only has 4 spaces, after all the siblings are accounted for, so it's quite likely she won't get in. But we are quite close, so she might. The other school in walking distance is a lot bigger - about three times the size. The closest one has a slightly better Ofsted report. It's closest. Rosemary goes to playgroup there. So we put it top of our list. But I really, really, really, liked the other one and am wondering if I wouldn't see if I could change it if she got into the closest one after all. I'm feeling some issue with the parents at playgroup and get on well with lots of parents from her other pre-school setting (which sends a lot to this other school).

Oh blimey, you've got me all het up about it again, and I promised myself I wouldn't think about it until Allocation Day and I find out for sure where she's going!

(Oh and you seem to have got your blogging mojo back, sweetie. Yay for you!)

[Nova]

I don't really have anything to say that is going to help but you have to go with your gut instinct. Three of my children have just moved from private to state schools...I am struggling with it. I was going to do a post in fact about it today. Look at the children when you go to these schools, they are the best judges by far. Good luck, it is a minefield. :0S

[Emily Vest]

We had a very similar choice. Religious school, great OFsted report, slightly further away. Smaller, goodish school that was closer.

We went for the local school. I preferred that it was smaller, and I found the pushiness of the bigger school and its parents unbearable. Schools can change a lot in the seven years they will be there. I preferred the nuturing atmosphere of a smaller school. Adam starts there in April and so far, I'm really pleased with it all!

[Perfectly Happy Mum]

Thank you everyone! It is very helpful. Since writing this post I have felt a huge relief and I think that I will put the closest school as our first choice and the Catholic one as second.
I am feeling that going to non religious school and maybe attend Sunday school will give them a good balance.
Thanks again xx

[Liz (LivingwithKids)]

Ah, the illusion of 'choice'.

I think a lot of parents make decisions about schools based on distance from home. We moved practically on top of the primary school we wanted, but that was because we knew it was the right one for us.

To a certain extent, maybe the Ofsted report doesn't matter, and don't forget Ofsted scores improve all the time. But I do think you have to look at why the school is scoring so low in some areas - if it's because it's not addressing the needs of all its pupils, that could be a potential problem. Maybe there's something you would be able to do - become an active member of the PTA, for example, go on the board of governors - which might help turn it around.

I would say the most important factors when you're choosing a school are:
1. Is the school right for my child? Will it help them fulfill their potential? Will it provide a nurturing learning environment?
2. Do we like the school? Do we like the teachers, the ethos of the place?

It sounds to me as though the Catholic school may not be the right one for you, based on the above.

[Polly]

About 2 years ago we spoke about this very thing when we were looking for schools for A.

Would it be the local primary with a 'outstanding' Foundation unit but the rest of the school being 'good' or 'satisfactory' or the lovely shiny totally 'outstanding' catholic school. The only catch being we would have to go to Mass every Sunday and what ever else we could get involved in, to ensure they knew our faces.
We were happy (or should I say - I was happy for T) to attend church every week but we could not commit to the extra activities, especially as we were both working.

We dutifully looked round all the local school and hoped for the non religious 'outstanding' state school.

In actual fact A was placed in the local school which we did not want due to its poor reputation.

This was the best outcome ever:

Most importantly A is incredibly happy with a great group of friends.
We can walk to school in 5 mins and she is just down the road from her home (comforting in the first few months)
All her friend live locally.
The staff are great and the Head is strong and decisive.
The recent Ofsted (3 weeks ago) was an amazing success.
The reputation is on the up and I have met loads of like minded Mum's & Dads.

It must be quite frustrating for the parents who every morning drag their kids into the car to drive the 3 miles down the road, when the have a perfectly good school opposite - have faith in your local school.

And what the boys don’t get at school you can surely give them at home.

The best advice we were given – it is not a choice but a preference.
To ensure that they allocate you a local school, you must request a local school.

Good luck Pegs – you have very bright boys and with you and C behind them they will be amazingly successful, which ever school you may be given!